Lately I feel like I can’t win. I am struggling with my marriage and I just don’t know how to fix it. I read a blog my husband wrote the other day where he said “he didn’t think he was in love with me anymore.” That hurt, more than I can even explain. I don’t profess to be the best wife or mother, but I try pretty damn hard and it’s a blow to my ego when I hear something like this. I know the things that bother him and I’m trying to work on them, but I just have so many things on my plate that I’m not doing a good job. I have gotten so frustrated with him lately because I feel like I’m never good enough. The other day he was upset with me because I told him I wanted us to spend some time together, and then that night I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up, I asked him if he wanted to go upstairs and he was pissy with me. So instead, he plays video games with his friends, and I go to bed.
Last night I was trying to be helpful and start dinner and everything was going on at one time. The baby was screaming bloody murder and I asked him to get her a bottle (we are trying to switch to a cup and she was not having it). He was gone for a long time, so I went downstairs and asked where the milk was in a frustrated manner and he snapped back at me. Then he later tells me, I didn’t greet him when he got home. I didn’t and I’m sorry, but it wasn’t like I was sitting on my ass. The rest of the night he spends stomping around and giving me the silent treatment.
When he is mad at me, I can feel it. It makes me feel like a child being scolded and I feel like I am walking on pins and needles. Lately, all he has been is mad at me. We haven’t had sex in a couple weeks, but as a woman when things aren’t going right, sex isn’t going to happen. I can’t be this other woman that he wants. I can’t put on sexy lingerie when I feel like shit about my body. I can’t be romantic and intimate when you are treating me like a naughty child. I’m human – I get tired, I have bad days, I want to be everything to everybody. I feel like when we go through these periods, you bring up all the bad and the world comes crashing down around me and I’m reminded of all my past failures. My house and my body are a wreck, and the only thing I can do consistently well is laundry. I’m trying, but I’m not superwoman – at least give me some realistic expectations to aim for.